Solidarity For Everyone - Even Lamp-Posts
It’s 6am, early morning light is creeping in under my pale blue blind, and through the gap I get a glimpse of the garden outside. I know the lamp-post’s out there too, but it went off about an hour ago...
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“Strong and Stable Is For Tables”
Like all super villains and/or daft comedy characters, Theresa May has a catchphrase. It isn’t “Exterminate!” like the Daleks, although that would fit with her polices, and It certainly isn’t, “I have...
View ArticleThe University Of The Castle
It’s half term this week. When I worked at Oasis, a busy children’s play organisation in Stockwell, the school holidays were always our busiest period. Now that Leftwing Idiot and I work full time for...
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A Deeply Rooted Wedding
I lay next to my friend Lottie on a handmade quilt, under a majestic tree. Looking up we could see fairy lights entwined in its branches, and its jagged leaves were silhouetted against the dark, clear...
View ArticleRhyme Time
My niece is now three months old and she’s an excellent being. I see her most days and my surreal ticced songs have become part of her bedtime routine. But for the last week we’ve been busy with...
View ArticleRed Sky At Night, Lamp-Post’s Delight
My Gran loved all sorts of sayings, like, “Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water”, “Let the dog see the rabbit” or “A watched pot never boils.” But she particularly loved sky-based sayings:...
View ArticleA Grand Stand Off
My niece, affectionately known as Squidge, is now six months old and she’s been desperately trying to stand for the last few weeks. I’ve just got back from performing at the No Limits Festival in...
View ArticleAll Night Chorus
When I was little my Gran would often talk about the ‘dawn chorus’, that moment in the early morning when the sun starts to rise and the birds begin to stir and start singing. She left me with the...
View ArticleWhat’s In The Box?
The festive season’s in full swing and I’ve been doing my Christmas shopping. My tics add an extra layer of complexity to this, but it’s not because I have trouble getting to the shops – online...
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Four Years, Two Tics and Thirty Christmases
Touretteshero’s had a birthday party in the past, and has delivered lots of events, but we’ve never had a team party before, and that’s because until recently we were mainly just a team of two,...
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“2017, Year of the Oscillating Grin”
I’m quite surprised to find myself at the last day of 2017. There are a million clichés about time passing quickly, and I’m loath to mention any of them, but this year really does feel as if it’s gone...
View ArticleNot So Ninja
Yesterday I wrote with pride about my stealthy stair-climbing skills as I crept past my niece’s room while she was asleep. In the morning Fat Sister brought me a slice of peanut butter on toast....
View ArticleSatin Square Slippy Fit
The country’s in the middle of a big chill, thanks to the Beast From The East. This means icy pavements and roads. But these aren’t the only slippy surfaces I’m dealing with at the moment. My...
View ArticleBeckett and Biscuits
It’s Sunday, I’m lying in bed, and I woke with the first light creeping in around the edges of my bedroom blind. A moment ago I pulled it up to let the light fill the room. Then I sank back into bed....
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Standing Up In Portland
While touring our show Backstage In Biscuit Land a couple of years ago I had a difficult experience at a comedy festival. I wrote about it here and have thought about it on and off since. At almost...
View ArticleThe U-bends of Windsor
If you’re in the UK it’s unlikely to have escaped your attention that there’s a wedding happening today – the marriage of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. I’d been expecting this post to be about...
View ArticleSee My Chair, See Me
Lily’s doing my overnight support this evening – we’ve finished brushing our teeth and we’re getting ready for bed. After doing my teeth she helped me transfer out of my wheelchair and onto the toilet....
View ArticleLaughs From The Past
Earlier this evening Leftwing Idiot and I were chatting on the phone when he said something that made me draw breath. For a moment it felt like my brain stalled, jarred by a sad truth in an ordinary...
View ArticleA Whole New Piss
It’s my support worker Ellie’s birthday. She was supporting last night too, so we were together as the clock struck midnight and she turned twenty-five. At that exact moment Ellie was helping me with...
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Tis The Season Of The …. Pig Fairy!
Visitors to the castle would be forgiven for thinking that I’m really into pigs, whether because of the extravagantly decorated dog toys pigs lined up on my shelves, or the many tiny pig stickers that...
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